Property Chat with Ben Everingham (Jan 2019) – Dealing With Mental Health as Investors and Business Owners
In this casual property chat with Ben Everingham we talk about our Christmas breaks and our journeys dealing with mental health issues.
0:00 – Introduction
0:45 – Our Christmas Breaks
4:50 – How has the 2 properties to financial freedom strategy resonating with people?
6:35 – Ben’s mental health journey
9:12 – Why are we talking about mental health?
10:06 – Ryan’s mental health journey
13:07 – Pressure as an investor or business person
16:19 – Happiness = Reality – Expectations
17:10 – Finding centred happiness and inner fulfilment
Is 2019 a Good Time To Be Investing In Property? – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhu4jJlahkI
Hi Guys, Ryan here from on-property and welcome back. This is our first recording of 2019. We have released some videos but they were recorded last year. So in today’s episode we wanted to just talk about where we’re at for the year, have a bit of a chat around property around the property market, around life in general and mental health. And so today I’m joined by Ben Everingham from pumped on property as a gallon today. Ben, excited about a year. Yeah. And so this is kind of the hangout to get us into flows because we’re going to be recording. Okay. Few episodes today, but we also want to keep you guys updated on where we’re at because I know a lot of people like connecting with us. They like hearing about our sometimes crazy lives and what’s going on in law. So how was your Christmas break? What’d you get up to?
It was awesome. I’d spin. I’m lucky I haven’t had a Christmas break that was longer than five days for since I started the business. So I took three and a half weeks off with the family, which is the longest holiday I’ve had in six years. And to be honest bro, I feel like a new person. Like it was hell family time, lots of training like surfing. I’m just so much little trip down the gold coast for a few days just hanging out at home. Like it was super simple. Just sort of. Dad laughed, but I loved it.
Yeah. Well My, my Christmas break was intense. If people hear the decrease in audio quality, my microphone is somewhere in the abyss of the van. So the van currently has my entire house packed inside of it. So over the Christmas break we moved from Noosa main. Cal moved separately from new solid down to Sydney. So I’m currently crashed at my dad’s place until I find a place of my own funny story was that I packed everything into my van to drive all my stuff down to Sydney. I’m get so about Byron, so about three hours drive and vince kind of idling weedly and unlike a don’t know if I’m going to make it to Sydney. Let’s see how this goes, make it to coffs harbor and then get a mechanic to come and look at it. I was going to stay in coffs. Anyway, mechanic comes and looks at it.
He’s like, yeah, your engine is like spurting out diesel everywhere. He’s like, you shouldn’t have been driving. And so, um, the van had to stay in coffs harbor. Will I flew back to Sydney to look after the kids and the van got fixed and then I had to fly back up and get it. So ended up being only a broken fuel lines. So about 400 bucks to fix. But the mission man. So yeah. So that was, that was my move down. That was my cousin was flying back and forth between the sunshine coast and cassava cleaning out the old place so that’s now rented to someone else. So wanting to get rented. Um, but yeah, and bringing everything down to Sydney. So now officially in Sydney and Granola officially
back here. Rates mate.
Back to the big smoke, back to granola where I grew up. Look, I missed the sunshine coast, but if I’ve got to live in the city is a pretty nice place to live. I’ve got the beaches, good coffee shops, you know, good people around me or my family.
I’m pretty sure you’d be flying up and staying at minor Simon’s house like a bunch this year and just live in your Sammy Kay speaks anyway.
Yeah, I think so. The plan in my diary is to fly up about once a month ideally so we can film in person. Um, you know, whether or not I can afford that. That’s another question, but we’ll try and make it work and see how it goes. It’s like I’ve decided to fly out to film with you, but really I just want to come back. But
it’s like, yeah, we’ll film business. He spent Sam.
Yeah, that’s the like excuse to come and we do need to do it. I want to get on the road with Simon and crystal and adds a lot more this year as well. Like that was so good towards the end of last year doing that, inspecting properties together and making a bunch of that content. I know a lot of people like that as well. A bit of insight into what it’s like to be a buyer’s agent, what it’s like to look at properties.
I’ve got a new year’s resolution to be way better friend because I sort of realized that it made to pretty much all my mates as run with nine for the last probably two years. Oh, you’re talking about. But um, my version of a sheet made. He’s just not showing up and hanging out and you know, during the week to week chat stuff. So I just, I’m going to be down in Sydney bunch this year as well. It should be cool. Where you just down in Sydney? Yeah, I went, I flew down literally for like 27 hours and my sister just had a baby, got an uber from the airport to her house, hung out with the bb and then got an uber back to the airport and that was my life
quick in and out. And so, um, I think last year, last year we did a bunch of good stuff. I was really happy with the content that we came out with last year talking about the two properties to financial freedom strategy and we’re definitely going to expand on that this year as well. Talk about some more of the intricacies to do with that property because I know a lot of people have been resonating with it. Have you had a bunch of clients kind of go through that process and start investing using that strategy?
Yeah, it’s been crazy because I remember getting that call from you when you hopped down to the surf last year and you’re like, I’ve just figured out financial freedom for the average person like you and me. And I’m like, yes. And we talked about it. I was just stoked. And then we enter in, integrated into the business. We lost. Ge had six clients or five clients that decided to do the two properties at the same time. And then we’ve probably got another 70 or 80 clients from last year that have committed to that as a strategy. But have just taken the first step, so that’s really crazy man. Like I’ve been talking to a few of them over the last week and four of them have 100 percent committed to coming to Bali in the year and doing that retreat that we’re talking about and I don’t know man, we’re just attracting heaps of cool people I think because of that simple concept of like, you know, you can have your cake and eat it too type thing with that strategy.
Yup. And so hopefully that’ll resonate with people this year and obviously like we’re learning more about it as well as you guys implement it for clients and as you come up against obstacles and overcome those obstacles. So it’d be cool to talk about that stuff. We are going to do a video later. I’m talking about like what, what to do while you’re waiting for your equity to grow when you purchased that first property. So it’d be cool to get into more the nuts and bolts of that sort of thing there. But I think let’s talk a bit about mental health because both of us have kind of dealt with that over the past and I think it’s something that’s probably not talked about enough and definitely has an impact on people’s lives as well as investing as well. John made us start off on this one or do you start off like.
Yeah, I don’t know man. Like, you know, I’ll kick it off because it’s just, it’s just so. I don’t mind. It’s just full disclosure. Like Ryan and I are business people. We’re property people, but we’re people and stuff happens and sometimes it catches you by surprise and sometimes you sort of created for yourself. But I think um, you know, without knowing it, I’ve been probably living with anxiety for at least the last seven or eight years. Um, I can actually remember when the first time I ever felt meaningful anxiety. And that was when I was studying for my hsc or I pay like my year 12, I was sitting in the surfing for the first time in my life. I was like, I should be, I should be studying right now instead of surfing. And my brain was like, what are you talking about? Like just being in this moment because I’ve been pretty good at staying present for most of my life up until that point.
Um, and you know, years later, businesses, three children, you know, property, staff and everything else. I think it just sort of caught me by surprise a bit last year. I knew something was wrong, but I had no idea what the hell it was. And the first thing I did after catching up with you with sort of cut down to four days a week, which really helped me start to connect some of the dots and connecting those dots was it was a journey and it’s still like a day to day practice for me. Lock. I’ve learned all of these men that just enabled me to stay closer to the middle. I think last year I’ll swing very, very strongly when now it’s more, you know, as Zach, my psychologist that I sometimes say says
swinging strongly between like presence and between anxiety.
Yeah, exactly. That like really, really strong swings where now it’s more moderate and when I, I, I’m much, much more in tune with my mind, my body, my spirit and much more connected to what triggers me and what makes me feel good and what daily things that I can do to maintain a really positive mental health. So I’ve put sort of mental health now into the category of physical health, which is you kind of do consistent little things over a period of time rather than one big effort and you maintain. And so, you know, mental health to me is, you know, an ongoing thing that I just try and maintain.
Yeah. And I think we’re not here to give advice about how to deal with mental health, um, because neither of us liked qualified psychologists or anything like that. But it’s more, it’s more just a startup. The discussion, like a lot of stuff, like one of the previous videos we released about how to get your dream home, you know, we’re starting out that discussion and it takes us time to really formulate al words and our message around that stuff. And I think mental health is going to be another one, another thing that we want to talk about moving forward. And so this is Kinda like the, you guys get an insight into the beginning discussions of this sort of thing before we’re fully formulated a message, but you can see that, you know, even though we’re on this financial journey and we might be further ahead than you or when you might be further ahead than us, that like we’re people and we go through stuff as well and we’re not, I don’t know, we’re not these amazing people that don’t have any problems.
Like we deal with stuff as well. Like my journey is like looking back, I can say depression in my life as early as probably like year five, year six, so like 11 or 12 years old. Um, come in spurts of it. And then kind of really more strongly came into my life around the age of about 20. Well, I would have um, I don’t know, just these like I would almost call them like seasons of depression where I would get like intense bouts of depression where you know, you don’t, you don’t want to get out of bed, you don’t want to do anything you quite enjoy. It’s almost like you enjoy being sad, like you don’t want to feel happy. Like it’s a really weird sort of thing. And so like I’ve dealt with that kind of on and off from like basically all through my twenties, like I dealt with that and you know, that also came out and eating disorders and stuff like that as well.
So I like dealt with a lot of stuff that has kind of hindered my life. I’ve kind of tried to make the best of it, you know, having kids around and stuff like that, you’ve got to be present as much as possible. So he kind of like pushed her. He still got to get up and go to work. You still gotta make money when you’ve got kids and you’ve got those people to support it. But I think the real clincher for me was like 28 when I realized that Oh my business and enough passive income that I don’t need to work now because work for me was a real way of keeping me stable and way of keeping me in the middle and like, because I had something that my mind was focused on that I was completely focused on and when I lost that because I didn’t need to work anymore, then I got even worse.
Depression. So you think like financial freedoms, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when you don’t have to work, you know it’s going to be happy days, it’ll be sunny every day you’ll be playing golf. And for me it was like really the opposite experience. And so that took me on a journey of like probably 18 months to work out, you know, where can I find my happiness and how can I find my happiness? And now it’s been like a massive journey. Being like, getting real with myself, being true to myself as to what, what do I find meaning in and what do I find purpose in a lot of the reasons I was working so hard and pursuing things was I realized for things that don’t actually make me happy. So you know, I’ve come to terms more with what makes me happy in terms of relationships, what makes me happy in terms of pursuing growth and pursuing learning and things like that.
Um, and yeah, so I feel I’m pretty good. Like the last. Yeah, it’s probably a lot. I probably have the hottest year, like 29 was the worst and best year of my life at the same time. So it’s like had really hard times but I was, I had really good mental health and really good fortitude through that. So yeah, best and worst year of my life last year. And so kind of excited to be going into 2019 with a good head space that hopefully can help a lot of people but also move my life forward both financially as well as personally.
Um, I went through 2018 in a space inside of you and the cool thing is, you know what I’ve learned, I never used to speak about any of this stuff. I never would tell friends about it or family. I just sort of silently go through life with this, just just feeling of stress in my chest was how it manifested itself and very, very overactive mind and sometimes it coming out in destructive behaviors like overtraining, either eating, maybe going out and binge drinking once a month or, you know, not being present in the moment and having my mind somewhere else and you know, from observing your journey as well and being able to communicate together, you know, before and after videos and now even on videos, it’s just kind of a, oh my gosh, you know, it really helps nothing on it in it on your own. And um, you know, I think as an investor and a business person, you put a lot of pressure on yourself to perform. You also put a huge amount of pressure on yourself to achieve really, really unrealistic goals in very short periods of time.
Well, I that for sure you,
you build up this picture of your future that’s very, very cleanly and I will be financially free when I’ll have this passive income when I’ll have this property, when and then you go through so much stuff to achieve it and by the time you achieved it you sort of not even recognizing or celebrating the achievement. You’re just moving onto the next thing and that becomes a pattern and you can get caught in these like an unhelpful ways of thinking around. It’s got to be all or nothing or it’s black and white or it’s much worse or much nowhere near as bad as it really is. And you can just start building these stories is what I found out I was doing particularly last year. And you know, the, the biggest thing that’s helped me personally is just to take the pressure off myself to accept where I am.
To accept that sometimes I have these really difficult bouts of anxiety and then to allow my thoughts to come and go. Like that’s been the major one. Like understanding that the thoughts are actually just stories and everybody’s got thoughts, you know, some of my patents where the whole property market’s going to collapse or the whole property market’s going to burn. Like that were two stories I told myself and now the one was I shouldn’t drink alcohol. It’s really, really not good for me. And another one was if I don’t do these daily activities, my day can be thrown off in the morning, just sort of obsessive can policy of stuff almost in a way to try and control the anxiety as opposed to just accepting that sometimes it’s right there in front of your face and sometimes it’s further away and you know, it’s, it’s helpful. Some mornings you wake up feeling good and some mornings you wake up feeling shit and some mornings you wake up feeling great. But you know, like what I love about mine and your approach to this is we’ve kind of. We’ve not run away from it likely might’ve in the past. We haven’t ran directly added either and tried to fight it. We’ve kind of confronted it, excepted it, and allowed ourselves to process it in slowly move through it with the help of some of
paypal. Yeah. There’s this quote that I love that’s A. I’m not sure if it’s from Tony Robbins or where it’s from, but it’s like happiness equals reality minus expectations.
I love that.
So it’s like if you have too high, like you’re talking about that goal setting and stuff like that. When we set those extreme goals for ourselves, sometimes we put ourselves in that situation where you know, our reality is not meeting our expectations and we get depressed even though we have a pretty good life and so, you know, I made a real conscious choice when I reached that point where it’s like okay, you don’t have to work anymore. It’s like now I could set a goal for further in the future for more wealth and stuff like that, but I really wanted to explore, okay, I’ve reached this point of financial freedom which I had been working towards for my entire adult life. Now that I’ve achieved it, like show, I can set another goal and work towards that. But I just felt like that would be delaying like my ultimate goal of like finding that centered happiness, like happiness despite the circumstances or um, you know, despite what your goals are and so that, that was a hard journey. But I feel like I’m at that place now where I’m more centered in and of myself because I took that time and I know that’s a luxury that a lot of people don’t have. Um, but yeah, I feel like that puts me in a really good place moving forward because everything I do kind of comes from a congruence of like who I am, what actually motivates me, not what I think motivates me because my, my brain’s weird man. Like I’ve got goodness
strange. Like I’m really passionate
about helping people. I’m like, I love being able to help people, but at the same time, like part of my brain just doesn’t care about helping people at all. You know. So it’s like I thought that by having an impact on people’s lives and by helping people that I would find happiness in that. And I realized that even though I naturally like helping people, I don’t actually find happiness and fulfillment from that, which was a really weird thing for me to go through because I thought that was the point of life. And I was like, when I realized that I lie, it’s like I like helping people, but I don’t get that inner fulfillment out of that. Like where do you go from there? Like that’s meant to be the pinnacle, right? Helping people is where you find happiness and just
that’s, that’s, that’s incredible Brian. But I think it comes back to the same thing of putting happiness on anything external outside of yourself can only braid disappointment or short term spike of doubt of happiness or adrenaline or whatever else. Like I know that where you come from, like we’ve been mates for five years now and I know that everything you do is about the bigger picture and contributing to community, but sometimes you don’t have the direct feedback loop that I do as well, which is physically talking to these amazing people that you introduced us to and getting to work with them and getting the gratitude that they feel because you’ve helped them connect the dots and I think, you know like it’s, it’s an, it’s an interesting one. Hey, it’s an interesting one because I have. Sorry to interrupt. I just have a really strong value system around contributing and helping people as well. But same as everything else that I’ve realized it’s external outside of myself until I’ve got concurrency and consistency in myself and I’ve been able to like work on mindfulness. Nothing extended was able to make me happy. In fact, some of those things like helping people was giving me some anxiety last year.
Yeah. Well on the same, like my value system is very much centered around helping people and making the world a better place. Like I even tell my kids like when Maclean’s, like one of my clients do and they’re like Maclean’s elect kind mcclane’s are inclusive. Like we include people, we make people feel good. Like that’s part of like who we are as people and like who I am as a person and I guess I kind of worked out through my journey that I find that inner fulfillment through my own personal growth and through my own personal challenges and by constantly challenging myself with high level concepts, higher ideas, um, I get really deep into certain topics that I’ll explore. I find a lot of joy and happiness out of that. And then naturally because my value system is to help people all then want to communicate that and the things that I’ve learned to help people. So it’s like I don’t need to get fulfillment from helping people that are naturally help people. Anyway. So. And now it comes from a place where I know where I’m getting my fulfillment, which is my own personal growth, but it naturally outflows to help people, which is, I don’t know. That’s really good. I think
that’s cool man. Like in, you know, I completely agree with what you said, like I have this idea around or something that I’ve learned. It’s been super, super helpful for me on my journey is same as you are. I’ve thought daisies. I thought these things would make me happier. I thought when I did this I’d be happy or I was always looking to the future with expectation and now I’ve been able to sort of figuring out what my true values are and it’s super simple for me. It’s my family is everything. My friends are really meaningful part of my life. Looking after myself mentally, physically, spiritually, and then wealth is an important part to me which is wrapped up in contribution for me because of the work that you and I get to do. It’s not just serving ourselves, but it’s serving a massively wide community of people that have had the same way of thinking as you and I do that don’t want it shoved down their throat from life as sued or a slick salesperson or somebody that you know isn’t real.
And I think from identifying what my values are, it means that decisions become a lot easier day to day is it in line with my value, will I get longterm happiness out of this? And then understanding those values in wrapping that around just trying to be as present as I can in every moment that I’m in. It’s life changing man. And again as shitty days said it just really hard time about it. Or sometimes weeks like sometimes I confuse onto ideas and just really go down a hall. Even over the Christmas break I was organized. I was going to Byron Bay with some of our mates and I knew that everyone was going to be wanting to get real drunk. We’re going to do a pub crawl and lack of band crawl and just have some fun for a night and then come home. And unlike I got anxiety about the thought of drinking for like three days before and then a couple of days after it it really throwing me out and I ended up pulling out of the trip just because I was just feeling so twisted about it. But a year ago just would’ve gone along with it, I would have felt really uncomfortable and then I would have picked up the pieces for a couple of weeks after it were slowly, slowly start making better decisions that are more in line with, you know, not even happiness because happiness is that quick, but just contentment and like stillness and breath and stuff like that. Like really simple concepts.
Yeah. And so I’m really excited about this year because of the place that I feel like I’m coming from in terms of what I want to give to people and I don’t know. I feel really centered in who I am. And so I don’t know. I don’t know if we communicated that well. Tell us about that. Well, but that’s a little bit of our stories about the mental health stuff that we’ve dealt with that we’re dealing with. And I’m sure we’ll talk more about it in the future, but just want to let you guys know that if you’re out there dealing with mental health issues as well, like we’re there with you and it doesn’t mean that you can’t build an awesome life even with this sort of stuff that you have to deal with.
Yeah. I don’t think anybody who says that they’re not dealing with some level of anxiety or depression, just, you know, everyone’s dealing with something. That’s what I’ve realized now that I’ve got to empathy for people and an understanding of it. I think a lot of people feel disconnected from society, disconnected from modern life, disconnected from themselves. And it’s, it manifests in all these different ways, but it’s, it’s super nice to just be able to share that stuff and kind of like,
you know, this, this conversation to even be having this sort of format.
Yeah. Because I do know that a lot of people binge watch us. I do know that a lot of people will tune in and listen to everything. I remember I met someone at Coolum who came up and said hello, just I was at the cafe, um, and she had been listening to us and it had been what bins watched us and knew so much it felt like she knew us, like she even said that. She goes, I feel like I know you guys. Um, so yeah, I feel like I want to do more of that this year so that you guys can feel connected with us but also get lots of helpful content to help you move forward towards financial freedom, move forward towards more financial security, move forward towards more happiness and fulfillment in your life as well. And so, yeah, I guess this chat, this is the up for the year, um, but also a really important conversation to be had.
Super Cool. So I think we’ll just leave it there guys. Um, thanks so much for tuning in. Not really any like action points and usually we do like to give you guys action points and things that you can take away. Um, but for this on not so much, we just hope that you continue on this journey with us. We’re really excited for 2019 to move forward on a personal level, which we’ll probably talk more about to move forward on a financial level, which we’ll definitely talk about and to move forward on your property investment journey, which is what we’re all about. So, so really excited for 2019. Thanks so much for tuning in to this little chat
with Ben Everingham from pumped on property. You can check me out on property.com dot EU. You can take ben [email protected] Their buyers agency over there. They can help you invest in property that something that you’re interested in. But yeah, that’s it. Until next time guys, stay positive.